my daughter is not very smart

Expert Articles / I am also the main income in the household which requires lots of travel and 60 hour work weeks, all resulting in lack of energy to deal with iissues with calmness. No, I immediately gun for him. Bernstein, J. Red Flags That Don't Indicate Autism - Verywell Health Teacher told him to take it off and he said no it's not far if they all wear a hat and I can't. DeniseR_ParentalSupportLulu8681 Thank you so much, I will definitely look into those articles for more help. She feels she should be there waited on, cleaned up after and does not lift a finger around the house. It just doesn't seem to difficult to comply and move forward. Einstein said, If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, then what are we to think of an empty desk? Courage Mudzongo, PhD, associate professor of psychology at Warner Pacific College, highlighted a dissertation by Marge Hoctor titled Identifying Young Gifted Children, calling it a treasure trove for parents embarking on the smarts journey with their child. They now have a . She talks to me horribly and her biggest complaints are that I speak to her when she's trying to do homework or relax and that I want to do stuff with her too much. 626 I didn't realise how important being bright was to me until I had a daughter who wasn't. I was brought up by searingly intelligent parents, both complicated, funny, intellectual. Many parents feel anxiety about the welfare of adult children and become directive by giving unwanted advice. Intimidation aggression physical abuse and violence Are you concerned that your child may physically hurt you or others? The father is scared to punish their daughter because he is afraid cops are going to called on him for no reason as this has happened before. Il be hanging washing out and he takes off and doesnt come back till days later. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what to do and I'm tired of doing my best and being treated like dirt. She is impossible to reason with and only able to see things her way or no way. When I am working from home, she will demand all this and I lose patience. Since Covid, I am staying with my parents and daughter. "Someday when the pages of my life end, I know that you will be one of the most beautiful chapters.". Could COVID-19 Actually Benefit the Gifted Learner? and 11, it is getting very hard. Books increase vocabulary and comprehension and having them around encourages children to realize that ideas are something worth talking about! There was no reason for him to be at home. Granted, Trautman believes that this all-in or all-out mentality is much more tied to birth order than smarts. Maybe she'll grow up loving the cryptic crossword or maybe she'll be happier with word searches. She's on the brink of turning a corner, the teacher said. If its your house then its your rules and if yjey dont like it then they can walk out the door (which they will soon realise just how much they need you and find out 90% of their so called friends arent so great after all). He just takes off all the time. Tell him you love him but he will have to stand on his two feet. For those who are reading this column I suspect that, interested as you are in gifted education, it comes as no surprise that gifted students can also have distraction issues. Make homework time part of a larger predictable . Hand over the phone." are long gone. He spent a lot of time with her and it also was his first intimate relationship also. However it's disturbing to see how much she does not care. I still work out of the home, so I can't supervise him. How about we talk this out so we can understand each other better?. Any suggestions would help. Forum - Duolingo My son just talks to me any kind of way and left home. They can give you information on the types of support services available in your area such as counselors, support groups, kinship services as well as various other resources. She loved to play with dollies and teddies and grew edgy around anything challenging such as jigsaws she just couldn't grasp how to tackle them and didn't like me trying to help her. I have really really tried to give him my best and to be the best dad I can. Why isn't my child as clever as me? - The Guardian She's been diagnosed with depression and is on Prozac (which I really don't care for) but the Dr insist she needs it to function around society. behavior, or have to accept it, though. Your role is to deal withyour child or teensbehavior as objectively as possible. It is a relief to know other people are having the same experience as I am. Connect with language learners all over the world to exhange tips and post your questions. Once she understood my rules it got worse but within a couple weeks it got better. What I get from what I'm reading here is to take MY feelings out of the equation, don't react and model, to the best of my ability, the behavior I want, expect, from him. One thing that's important to keep in mind is that your role as parent shifted a bit when your son turned 18, from manager to more of a consultant, as Debbie Pincus points out in her article. He will not do his room and everything he owns sits on his floor. more effectively? She ended up being diagnosed with aspergers during college. It pains me, as I really don't enjoy spending time with this kid anymore. I'm Exhausted and I work nights on top of that! Those kinds of teens are out there. Another resource which might be more useful to you is the Boys Town National Hotline, which you can reach by calling 1-800-448-3000, 24/7. If you value respect, model respectful behavior. You might find some useful starting points in. She has also been particularly rude and disrespectful towards me and her dad, spewing out poison every now and then and saying extremely hurtful things which breaks my heart to pieces. Because of this daily torture entire family is affected, we cant do anything cant even look at our financials properly as it is all the time a continuous struggle. Everybody tells me that it doesn't last forever, that he will come back to you, until then keep everything calm and keep the communication going. One mum demanded to know whether there was a top, middle and bottom stream. I calmly told her to give me her car keys (actually family car which she uses). If you react to every single one of those behaviors, youre not likely to see any change in your child. The parent thinks, Aha! Now that they are about to apply to college navigating their journey will be different than how you navigated your own. We do not curse in my home and yet she flips out when we enforce rules that she helped come up with the consequences. As an adult child, more of the power is in their hands. I imagined the cleverer kids gloomily grinding away in a boring job while Bella was surrounded by laughing friends. One great way to do this is to use one of James and Janet Lehmans suggestions: when your child is behaving disrespectfully, you can tell him: You dont have to like the rule, but you do have to comply with it. ", Dr. Bernstein, "Can you please help me? Like my wife and I don't find about it for weeks, and we are both on edge all the time. - Unknown. I voiced my concern to Bella's teacher that if she was dyslexic, it seemed a long time to have to endure without any support, but she thought differently. Many parents wonder if they are being too strict or too lenient, so you are not alone. Where I blame myself though is that I never pushed her hard enough to get out there and get a part time Job. We had so many stickers that they papered the walls. above, nothing has changed. A child needs to learn a. I am single parent. No discipline or boundaries - she sometimes get up as late as 2pmextremely defiant.You cant tell her anything, she will start yelling and abusing.And even Violent. Kathleen K., a teacher with 25 years of experience, tells HealthyWay, Many gifted children I have had the blessing of teaching are quiet, observant little ones. Instead, its going to be more effective to use a short-term or daily consequence (such as driving the car) to hold her accountable for her disrespectful behavior. She says other gifted children may engage in different types of imaginative pursuits like playing store and creating menus.. Or find out how to request a free school evaluation. I have three kids. Subscribe now to receive tips & advice on college admissions & the latest news about myKlovr. statewide crisis hotline. My 11 year old son cries and says he wants to run away because there is always so much arguing in our house. For an observant toddler, failure isnt an option, so if the particular task at hand seems too daunting, theyll opt out. No one parents perfectly. Hope is double-edged; false hope can set you on a collision course with despair. Take, for example, the gifted students ability to rapidly assimilate new information with less practice than his peers. Over the weekend I drove her and her friends to the train station to go into the city and then her girlfriends slept over my house. What ARE is gifts? every morning thinking 'I'm going to ruin the whole day by screaming at my parents and being angry and talking back.' Smart kids arent always the social ones. She asked me with malice and I responded with friendship, accepting others, and seeing eye to eye. They don't believe anything I tell them so now with this happening, I hope he will think about it. We have to know where to be strict and where to let off because when they are 17 and asking for their opinions to be respected, we have to. She didn't like this but she knows that when my othet daughter had to leave I changef the locks. Passive aggression is a way of expressing negative emotions in indirect ways. Furthermore she is a straight A student. or other authority figures? He doesn't seem to want to help himself although he is capable. While your adult child is spewing out your many failures, youre silently stewing (or maybe you occasionally lose it and yell) about the money youve spent, field hockey and soccer games youve watched, laundry loads youve folded, school events you attended and homework projects youve supervised. RebeccaW_ParentalSupportBewildered and sad. sometimes I think your better off not having anything..Our system is So screwed up. you, and I wish you all the best. Take care. Chicago hot dog stand murder charges dropped against mother, teen son If youre struggling with disrespectful behavior from your kids, youre not alone: this is one of the biggest topics of conversation between parents and our online parent coaches. You might seek out a counselor or a support group, for example, which could help you to look at your options, and develop a plan moving forward. Don't have an account? Just find ways to handle that emotion away from interactions with your child, if possible. Did all that crying in the first year frazzle her synapses? Azmeh Dawood, the older sister of Pakistani businessman Shahzada Dawood, said her nephew was reluctant to go on the . A lot of parents in our online parent coaching program ask, How can I get my child to respect me?. Her mother believes she has what some would call a photographic memory, which is often touted as a sign of a child with above average intelligence. He has no interest in driving, or even in girls. Suddenly not getting them up without first letting them know about this shift, in responsibility probably isnt the best approach. The answer lies in addressing their behavior, rather than their feelings even their feelings about you. I received the following three emails this morning (I changed some demographics to maintain confidentiality): Hi Dr. Bernstein, "I need advice on how to deal with kicking my 24-year-old son out. Idesperately wanted her to be as good as, if not better, than her friends. My husband has also said how unhappy he is in our family and how it is mostly my fault for letting this go on for so long. Strategies 10 Ways to Handle Disrespectful Behavior By Amy Morin, LCSW Updated on November 29, 2022 Medically reviewed by Samantha Mann, BCBA, LBA Verywell / Nusha Ashjaee Table of Contents View All Ignore Attention-Seeking Behavior Find the Root Cause Use When/Then Statements Have Your Child Try Again Pick Your Battles She had 24 hours to apologize for her rude behavior, but instead continued to be rude and cruel. Needy? Share your thoughts in the comments. and let us know how things are going for you and your son.Take care. I WAKE THEM UP FOR SCHOOL EVERY MORNING and drive them both to school EVERY SINGLE DAY. I said it made her look rude. If you believe your child is smarter than average, Mudzongo suggests you explore more detailed steps in guiding their success by reading David Palmers Parents Guide to IQ Testing and Gifted Education: All You Need to Know to Make the Right Decisions for Your Child. It's very hurtful because I give them my last and go above and beyond for them. I know youve been working on controlling your temper when youre annoyed. Never a B. I lost my oldest daughter in 2020 so I am going through the roughest time right now and having to deal with all their problems. They have gone through co-parenting classes that she didn't want to go to but had because it was court ordered. He mainly played video games endlessly hardly ever leaving his room. He wont do anything you ask him wuthout a screaming match & now he has started to lie about things silly things but ge never usually would have lied. left. I cannot understand why the kids do this. And I would not let a boy stay in my house undet any circumstances. Today is the last home soccer game, and all parents are invited to take photos and participate in the festivities. I agree with him to a certain extent but ever since she started high school I never stood in her way. Your future self will thank you. He is very mean to me and he lies endlessly. They bonded. I am heartbroken and I am so fed up. I also in return showed him respect and was a well behaved kid. It's easy to say, yes, be the parent all the time! Their mode of transportation is the school bus and they know they are not allowed to walk, for specific reasons as SAFETY. How to Recognize a Gifted Child's Behavior Problems - Verywell Family Now they still try but distance, boundaries and my own self care and counselling has shown me I am ok and I can prevent their projections. They talk about me to their friends and other family. Work with the kid, but have your boundaries, and when they are crossed, make it dam well clear its not acceptable. Another idea would be to get a sensible male friend or family member to speak with him about your situation. I have a 16 year old daughter that is driving me nuts. 10 Things to Write in a Letter to Your Daughter - All Pro Dad If you need help locating legal, assistance in your area, try contacting the http://www.211.org/ at 1-800-273-6222. and blames us for not being sufficiently wealthy, and frequently calls us idiots and slams her door against us. Or does your child exhibit a consistent and severe pattern of She acts as he can do no wrong in her eyes, and her and I we barley get along anymore I am at my wits end and heartbroken, truly, Im ready to just give up .. Im getting tired . 1. Each time that, the military or goes to college. My plan for my not bright child is to get into the healthcare field. In many ways they are, but lets face it, you are not clones. I'm leaning towards a universal level of respect that applies to all human beings as well as her mother instead of just making it about respecting me. They blame me for everything. The only perfect people are in the cemetery. Relatives tell me to kick her out, but she has hardly any friends, no money and I do not what to see her living on the streets where worse things could happen. I recognize how difficult this must be for you, and I hope you will write back and let us know how things are going for you and your family. Iwondered about dyslexia, but her teacher was unconcerned. She has been spending way too much time on her social media accounts. always been very damanding and boisterous and Try not to make it worse. He constantly lies about homework when we ask him about items not done he immediately escalates things to a screaming blame game. Still, their disrespect hits hard and it feels as though all your years of sacrifice are being devalued and erased. She was slow to talk; while friends' children could string together three words "Wan go slide" Bella would just utter "slide". She just shouts. Your daughter did not go to her friends house, without telling you because she wanted to disrespect you, but rather, maybe she, was afraid you would say no and she really wanted to go. At the end when everyone was eating and talking my daughter said to me that she was getting a ride home from a friend. I told her that I am giving, lovable, caring and considerate and she needed to be just that in return. My teens are torturing me! It doesn't matter what I say to him he has a smart a$$ answer for everything. This means that every time you visit this website you will need to enable or disable cookies again. Hence, it winds up being a blend of intellectual intelligence and emotional intelligence that will lead a child to true success throughout life. Tell him how you're feeling and ask him what you can both do to make life easier for you both. Give me the car keys. All Rights Reserved. This is because children (and adults) who have it are often exceptionally smart, and the signs are not always . Sorry, I realize I'm dumping a lot here, but I have never talked about this before in this kind of forum. for you so you feel used it's family that only works one way so stop being a doormat don't do a thing unless you can do it without feeling used. "A mother and a daughter always share a special bond, which is engraved on their hearts . I have been crying and very depressed. Instead of, taking the rule-breaking personally, it can be more helpful to view the, behavior as the result of https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/the-surprising-reason-for-bad-child-behavior-i-cant-solve-problems/. eat for dinner was a small portion of veggies. I pray for the safety and well being of my grand child who is returning to her mother because she's "better" again. His behaviour is beginning to rub off on his younger 5 year old brother. I feel that everyone is using each other to get what they want from the other. She does it right in front of people too. You're smart. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. I offered to make them breakfast the next day. What motivated Adolf Hitler's destructive behavior? You can read more about this in. prioritized list of all the behaviors you are dealing with, and then focusing on just 1-2 of the most disruptive behaviors at a time. In general, we dont recommend using special events as consequences for just this reason-once they are gone, they are gone and cannot be earned back. Quite often. Another might have a huge vocabulary (a budding academic maybe?) they have plans im worried. 1 Doesn't Respond to Your Call Your child interacts with you and others and has normal play habits and sensory responses, but doesn't respond to your voice when they have their back turned away from you. I no longer have the income to do this and she is aware. I thought the cut off was 26? The anger released on you (even if it feels disproportionate) may be the result of past events or emotional injuries. Please Help somebody. Even though I understand your anxiety around the choices your daughter is making right now, I encourage you to stay focused in the present moment rather than projecting far into the future. My advice is notice and embrace the differences between you and your child. I am resigned that I have done all I can and am getting help for myself in dealing with this loss. She had a long and traumatic birth had it left her with slight brain damage? crappy job at all of that & when asked to make corrections, he ALWAYS have a reason of why it didn't get done correctly & responds that I'm overreacting, I'm at my wits end with him. His behavior has also put a huge strain on our marriage of 20 years and it's so mentally draining. But of all the suggestions you can heed, this is primary. forget about my husband, he's a great guy but he's about to have a heart attack from this stress. Said she wish I would die and go to hell. He just doesnt care bout anyone but himself. Telling lie is very common. A little known subtype of Autism, PDA is recognized only in the UK but a growing number of clincians and families of kids who have been diagnosed with everything from ASD to OCD and ODD are begining to realize the particular constellation of symptoms that comprise PDA provide a . Its making me depressed. It wasn't my fault. I said no and she pulled my plate away and we started fighting over the plate to the point where I got mad and then she yelled at me "you are an idiot". Until 3 or 4 months ago, I've had issues but not like I have now. She continued to take photos with her friends and one of her friend's father. The disrespect is astounding. How could she like seeing me cry or break down when I just cant take it anymore. It just seems like they don't want us. You might find some helpful information in https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/the-surprising-reason-for-bad-child-behavior-i-cant-solve-problems/. Backtalk complaints arguments attitude just plain ignoring you. Quirky? I wish you the best with this because dealing with difficilt children when your spouse and you are not on the same page is very stressful and frustrating. Buona Domenica (have a great Sunday), Tom D. like he hates me. You might consider consulting with a family lawyer to see what your, visitation rights are with your son. He has coauthored several books on teaching. Posted December 7, 2020 if you decide not to go, you will not have another chance to make this up. This all started because she broke a very important rule and didn't want to accept the consequences. Should I go? In fact, how about making "Grace, Strength, and Dignity" your silent mantra? I will turn the WiFi off if she doesnt close the computer after her time is over. I was actually in tears that other day, locking myself in my room and calling the parents help line. My 13 year old son is so exhausting to be parent, so insulting and ungrateful and disrespectful, that I often don't enjoy being around him. Constantly reaching for books and reading frequently are signs of intelligence in toddlers and even signs of an intelligent child in general.
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